User blog:Joeaikman/King Herod vs Octavian Caesar - Rap Battle
Merry Christmas, friends, and welcome to another installment in this weird series. Yesterday I was required to write an improv rap battle. This shit thing is the result. I hope you enjoy. Rapping first is the ancient King of the Jews and famous advocate for child rights, King Herod the Great, who is facing off with the first Emperor of Rome and general big head, Augustu- I mean Octavian. They are battling because...erm...err...fuck you it’s christmas. Also I know Herod and successes don’t rhyme. They do in the creepy ass voice that I give Herod. Herod is in red and Octavian is in purple. King Herod Herod’s headed to a beastly and brutal beating of a boy Who would whore himself out for his step-father’s joys His history of heroics suggests he may just be an amateur Witnessing the bloodiness of Herod’s firstborn massacre I’m a known name in nativities, truly the wisest of men Until a senseless census brought trouble to Bethlehem History knows me for that and ignores my successes They would rather celebrate Augustus and villify Herod I was ordered from on high to construct my Grand Designs Temples to the almighty, a place I could harbour my rhymes I have differing images, better hope you get the good version When history remembers you as two different persons Octavian Matching octaves with Octavian is not advised by the conclave Hirtius can surely recall hot days in Spain to your Roman enclave I keep wars civil and am a symbol of peace to all my people There is a reason that your reign is so associated with evil I’m a pro poet of the prose penned and posed by Cicero You’re a perplexing part of a joke, and you lack the Tiber flow I found your verse to be basic, so many jabs but still not harmful Mine is on point like a gladius, I truly left this made of marble Let in the Latin legate and legacy of a lot more than just Caesar Versus a seizer who’s best child catching was in a Hughes feature I built Rome from a republic up to a respected empire, and frankly Shakespeare should thank me for providing a tragedy in Antony Herod I've read better than your gestae and pack more than your pacis Rap is more than just poetry, to flyte you need passion You lack the name to properly play the game you dared The language latin is deader than any one of your heirs Octavian It’s a Testament to my power that I was never deposed by one newer Jew choose how you lose, whether by my sword or by nuture I ruled over Rome, from your Judea all the way to the straits A roman roamin’ to find a king to kick in the se-nates You birthed boys that bored and breathed nothing but hatred For the pagans which Rome saw that they dictated I was beloved by my people, and seen as peaceful, quite happily You were hated by your own for when you killed your own family Who won? Octavian Herod Category:Blog posts